The death of a beard

There are few things in this world that make beard lovers as sad as the loss of a truly great beard. Beard growing is a labor of love, and losing one is akin to losing a long-time friend. A fellow beard advocate decided to share his somber tale.


This is Ralph, he is a production artist. Ralph has been cultivating the beard you see above for approximately five months, and loved it dearly. I say loved because his glorious beard is no longer with us.

You see, Ralph's beard became too awesome for his co-workers and family to handle, and hints were dropped that he should "clean it up" (that's anti-beard speak for "shave, you look like a haggard sea captain").

Understandably, Ralph struggled with the idea of getting rid of something he has loved and nurtured for so long. He was visibly upset. So upset in fact, that he had to take his shirt off to cope with his emotions.


Depression set in. Beards have an immense power over their caretaker. The symbiotic bond that joins man and beard is one not easily broken.


Ralph decided to start removing hair from the top down. That way he could hang onto his beloved facial hair as long as possible. This photo really gives you an idea of the sheer girth of Ralph's beard. It was truly magnanimous.


Ralph, still grappling with the idea of losing his beard became upset once more.


Finally, after many silly faces were made, Ralph accepted his beard's fate. It was time to begin debeardification.


Removing just the sides left a sizable goatee. Again, this really showcases the thickness and luster Ralph had achieved during his five months of glory.


Ralph then considered a 50/50 approach. Half for him, half for the beard-haters?


No, it must all come off. Beards, like the Three Musketeers, must be "all for one, and one for all"


(the following image may be disturbing to a true beard advocate)






Behold, all that remains of a once-epic beard. You will be missed Ralph's beard, you will be missed.

Fear not readers, Ralph elected to keep a goatee. And while a goatee is not really a beard, it is in the same family, and an acceptable alternative to clean-shaveness. We like to think that in shaving his beard, Ralph merely harvested his “facial hair crop” for the season. The goatee that remains will act as the fertile soil for another glorious beard to spring forth from.


Thank you for sharing your story with us Ralph. We look forward to your future bearded exploits.

If anyone has a story like Ralph's they would like to share, please let us know. We want to share your beard stories with the world (if you want us to of course)!